Unfulfilled First Love (5)&(6)

day 20, 

my first love that couldn’t come true! (5)&(6)

In the end , the conclusion is that “the wishes of the dead are granted”, but “how can you do every request of the living?” I don’t know. There’s nothing I can’t do if I want to get married, so I decided to give it a try, and I decided to go. 

 I went on an outing to my in-laws’ house, which I never dreamed of, and even made a big bow to her parents, but something unexpected happened. Immediately, the scoop in the countryside that the hidden son-in-law had appeared was delivered to the whole town as breaking news, and before I knew it, the aunts in the neighborhood were in full swing.

 He was trapped, held on the floor of the main hall, and forced to be investigated, but he still indulged in a cup of Dongdong wine with a hen, escaped from the crisis with the excuse of getting drunk, was exiled to a back room for the night, and the next day he and Mundong left the neighborhood.

 After that, I don’t know how she got into politics, but I never saw her family again, except for the occasional one, and the three years of my worries were already going well with a decent cohabitation than I thought.

 But after the Olympics, as expected, I was assigned as a correspondent for China, which was a closed communist country at the time. Of course, I wanted to go with her, but first, she flatly refused, and second, China and South Korea did not have diplomatic relations at that time.

 It wasn’t easy for Koreans to get a Chinese visa, so unless I wrote a letter of resignation, I had no choice but to say goodbye. As she well knew, being a foreign journalist was my vocation, and I also concluded that no matter how much she died or lived, I could not exchange it for my vocation.

 Just like that , I ended my tearful farewell at Gimpo Airport with a final hug and kiss, and I had no choice but to part ways for the time being. However, life in China was not as good as I expected, and I was chased by the political background of China, which was rather breathless.

 In the early days of China, not only the poor internet, but even international phone calls were not easy due to communication security, so reality was always a longing shrouded in a veil, but as time went by, I realized that it was both near and far, and the longing turned into loneliness. 

 However, Heaven knew that it was impossible to end the relationship with her like that, and it was called “Red Heads in the Night”, and the anti-government Tiananmen Square Massacre in which a large number of people were mobilized, and a huge number of people were killed in the crackdown, and the Chinese government tried to control the media abroad.

 Within 24 hours, all foreign journalists in China were forced out of China via Beijing, Hong Kong, etc., and I was also swept away, and I waited in Hong Kong for the time being, but even that was not enough, and it seems to be going on for a long time.

 I wanted to see her too, so I decided to go back to Korea for a while, thinking that it would be okay to wait in Korea anyway. Naturally, the news of her return was so sudden, she was very happy and welcomed.

 I had just gotten my driver’s license and was being picked up at the airport, but the first time in months, I had forgotten all the words about her familiar smell and the deep emotion that was so fragrant. I just don’t know what to do…

 Even though it was an airport waiting room, it seemed to be a little too much, but of course she couldn’t hide her joy, and although she had a smile on her face, she was still more conscious of the eyes around her than me, and she asked me to have a cup of coffee.

 So I sat down at a nearby coffee shop. When I ordered, I suddenly apologized. For some reason, I thought it was because it wasn’t easy for me to live alone in the house I lived with after I left, so I recently moved into my sister’s apartment and lived with her.

 In short, he said that he was sorry that he had made the decision on his own without consulting him beforehand. Of course, it was definitely wrong to move without contacting her, but it was understandable given her position, and I would have to go back to China at any time.

 It was a little uncomfortable right now, but I had to think of her rather than me, so I said okay and asked me to go to the apartment I had moved into. But when the door of the apartment opened, I heard a familiar voice, and fortunately, she was a familiar face that I had always been familiar with.

 After a while, the doorbell rang. This time, my younger brother, who lives with me, came back from an outing, and I couldn’t hold back the smile on his familiar face. I thought that this was a widow’s village where three people lived: a big widow, a little widow, and a living widow.

 I couldn’t resist a drink, but a nice drink was already ready, and after a while, the sisters-in-law who lived next door, or even the baby widows, came rushing in to tell me that their brother-in-law had returned, and they were coming in with a bottle of wine. It was indeed a gathering of yesterday’s warriors.

 Everyone started the engine saying that the players had just run out of liquor, and that they had counted all the bottles because they were defective, but the landlord’s sister said that if we ended up here, we weren’t athletes, and that we would shoot a second shot, and offered to go on an expedition to a nearby karaoke bar.

 After a while, everyone changed into their combat uniforms, gathered without any enthusiasm, as if they had chartered the stage for karaoke, and began to show something in earnest, and finally “Mmm~me!” at the other table, the drinkers, mesmerized, couldn’t keep their mouths shut.

 The daily routine of the widows’ village, where she was treated like an emissary from the next day, was almost like an axe, except that she was a lover who was ready to break up with me at any moment, just as she had said when she first met me.

 The fact that he didn’t ask anything about his house, my house, and my surroundings when it came to formal marriage shows how staunch he is an egoist, but he just likes me for who I am, and I don’t want to put pressure on him.

 And she said that one day, when she broke up with me, she would live as a strict celibate, and I think she was cruelly realistic wise in the face of the past she had chosen in the world.

 By far, the reality of the world was that just because two people were in love couldn’t transcend everything. Formal marriage as we know it is not about creating a dream-like world in the mountains where only two people know each other.

 At the very least , it could be said that the two families were unfolding the world together with the approval of both families, so there must be a minimum condition for marriage, and of course, there must be a relative evaluation within those conditions.

 However, no matter what the past is, the past is just the past, and not all of the past can be understood and forgiven. He said that there are no secrets in the world, and if there are any secrets to take to the grave, I don’t know, but anyone who knows the past of the Huaryu world

 Is it just to forgive and be understanding? In the end, there was only one way to avoid breaking up, and that was her choice, and as I grew old as an official bachelor, I felt like I had no choice but to be a lover with her.

 Of course , I didn’t want to be confined to the usual formalities of marriage, so I thought it would be okay to live in hiding without anyone noticing, or to live with a weekend couple or a father of geese as a casual lover.

 It just so happened that I had my share of the deposit for the officetel left, so I decided to go to Samsugapsan for the time being, and I was drooling over the cheap site of the former Hwajeon people’s house at the foot of Jirisan Mountain in Hadong, Gyeongsangnam-do, and I bought it on my own.

 On my way back from the registration, I happened to come to a stream in the valley behind Songni Mountain, and in the lovely scenery, I found out that there was also the site of the farmhouse of my dreams. In terms of distance from Seoul, Songnisan Mountain is more suitable than Jirisan, and it is more suitable as my resting place,

 However , in order to change the situation to Songni Mountain, which had already been spilled, it was possible to sell Jirisan and buy Songni Mountain due to the circumstances of his pocket, but the question was whether Jirisan had not even dried ink, and a wrong person like me would appear and solve it.

 However, she didn’t know such heartache, and she had already bought Jirisan and knew that she was going to go down to the site and build a house herself before being summoned to China, but even after completing the registration, she wondered why the construction of the Child’s Pill Hamhung Tea Company did not start.

 In the end, when I explained the self-designation, he said that he would buy it himself because he had the money to spare, and he told me to proceed, and just like that, my picturesque house began to be built under Mungyeong Sejae behind Songni Mountain, and I was already painting landscapes where I was living while tending to my vegetable garden, writing, and writing.

 I designed the kitchen/living room, study, bedroom, and guest room myself, and decided to construct it for about 100 square meters, which is quick and easy to build, and within a month, I invited her to a housewarming party and proudly lived in Seoul.